he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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