i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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