Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
