i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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