Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
