You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
