Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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