:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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