I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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