im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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