First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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