tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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