garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
