Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
