Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize