Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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