just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
