Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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