the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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