do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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