im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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