I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
