I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
