So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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