is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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