I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
