So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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