Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Randomize
