No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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