i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
