I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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