I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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