I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
