after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
