I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
