Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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