I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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