Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
