I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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