Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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