his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
