I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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