im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
