My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
