She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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