Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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