you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
