the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize