She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I need water and some morals
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
