these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
