It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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