Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize