I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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