Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
