Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize