wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
