I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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