So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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