dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
