I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was born a porn star she said
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think i got beer on your cat.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
