Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
