are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
