I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
