My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Another day, another engagement, another cat
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
