im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
