i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Let's paint friendship bongs
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
