A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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