It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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