hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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