@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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