You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
