ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
